you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
