It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
