dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
