if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
