My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
