Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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