bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
