At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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