I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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