As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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