the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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