do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
