He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
