so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
