my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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