i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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