Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
