i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
