oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
