Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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