Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
