Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
