Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
