Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He better not be in your backpack
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
