Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Sober January is a disaster.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
