Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
