In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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