I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Green mimosas i think yes
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
