Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
