Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
