Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
