Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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