dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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