I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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