i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
