Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
