Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
