First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
