So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He felt like a one man threesome
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
