He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you made out with another girl for some wings
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
