I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
