im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
