The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
