no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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