If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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