So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
