I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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