i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
