I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
