someone get that fucking seahorse.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
