There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
