How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
